Walang Titigil

Walang Titigil.

I had nothing to do this weekend so I decided to watch a movie. Most of my friends were either pre-occupied or just didn’t feel like it so mag-isa na lang akong pumunta.

The moviehouse was in the 4th floor of one department store near my area. It’s 12noon at may isang oras pa bago mag-simula ang sine so after getting my seat reservation, nag-window shopping na rin ako while waiting.

Department stores here in Japan are very similar to the ones in the Philippines; it is a place where families spend time together and friends meet, besides shopping that is. That’s why I was not totally surprised when I saw, from a far, a very familiar face; si Eiko, ang one time lover kong hindi ko na nakitang muli since our first (and last) encounter. She was with, I presumed, her husband and daughter. Seeing her again, reminded me of just how beautiful this Japanese woman was. Even with the conservative look she had, wearing a short-sleeved white blouse and khakis, makikita mo ang kakaibang elegance ng pagdadala niya sa sarili. Hindi rin kayang itago ng suot nito ang magandang kurbada ng katawan at malalaking dibdib…umalma tuloy si manoy sa pagbalik ng mga alaala kung saan nakita ko ang kabuuan at kagandahan ng nasa ilalim ng damit. I didn’t want to cause any trouble though kaya umiwas na ako sa kina Eiko.

Pero it was too late.

Our eyes met. She didn’t smile or acknowledge me but it was obvious na nakita ako nito dahil pabalik-balik siyang lumilingon sa direksyon ko…with a hint of worry in her eyes.

Iniwanan ko na sila as I made way to the nearest Wendy’s para makakain bago magsimula ang movie…still thinking about how beautiful Eiko looked today habang nag-fa-flashback ang memories ng pagniniig namin sa kusina ng bahay nila. It’s almost impossible to connect the motherly image I saw just now to that wild woman I was fucking doggie-style sa kitchen table ng bahay niya.

I took out my phone from my pocket and placed it on the table as I sat down for my lunch when I saw a text message from an unregistered number; si Eiko.

‘What are you doing here? Please stay away from my family’ ang basa ko sa text na naka-japanese as it dawned on me how the situation looked from Eiko’s point of view. Medyo nainis ako dahil lumalabas na sinusundan ko siya or worst, that I’m stalking her. I hurriedly texted her back explaining na coincidence lang na nandito ako ngayon sa department store, but that if she’d prefer it, aalis na lang ako (umaandar na naman ang pagka-martir ko). To that; sumagot si Eiko, nang-hihingi ng pasensya dahil na-rattle daw siya nung makita niya ako. Hindi ko na raw kailangang umalis dahil hindi nga naman ako kilala ng pamilya niya.

Hindi ko na sinagot as I still felt annoyed by her earlier message. Binilisan ko na lang ang kain at dumiretso sa sinehan. Before going in, I was about to get some popcorn when again, nakita ko sila. Manonood din yata ng sine. They were lined up sa counter ng popcorn stand. She saw me pero hindi na ako umiwas ng tingin, a bit more defiant than was necessary, pero I felt justified still being a upset. Pasulyap-sulyap lang ang haponesa as they started to enter the theater, nakikita kong nangungusap ang mata niya, naapektuhan yata sa hindi ko pagsagot sa text niyang nanghihingi ng pasensya.

An hour since the movie started, nag-e-enjoy na ako…nakalimutan na ang situation with Eiko. Then another text message;

‘I’m really sorry for the way I reacted’ ang sabi nito in Japanese pero hindi ko na muna sinagot being pre-occupied with the movie. After a minute, isang message na naman;

‘Please, can I talk to you? I’m outside the theater’ ang sabi nito.

I was telling myself na huwag na, gulo lang ito. I felt that meeting her right now was not the logical thing to do. Her family is somewhere near and mahirap nang ma-eskandalo. But resist as I may, some part of me got excited with the idea of meeting with her again…it was also hard to avoid imagining possibilities dahil full blast na naman ang malikot kong kukote. At dahil ako’y tao lamang, hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili…out I went, sinusunod ang direction na tinuturo ng tarugo.

She was sitting in one of the waiting chairs malapit sa ticketbooths. She saw me and signaled for me to follow her as she stood up and started walking papunta sa escalators. Hindi siya lumilingon so I somehow understood that she wanted me to keep distance…for now.

Nakarating kami sa basement ng department store where the parking lot is. Sa isang corner nakita kong pumasok siya sa isang X-trail SUV. This must be their family car. Nung time na ito my logical mind was starting to flatline, nasusunog sa init ng apoy ng sariling libog. All I could think of now was that today, I’m gonna get some…but I had to stay calm…be patient…